this is the world i created for myself...

ughhh. buzznet is being a meanie to me tonight =/

so wow.

most of my friends will be graduating.

meaning that the last two days of school..they won't be there. ]x

i wanna see zac graduate !

i wanna see him in his little cap and gown.

i bet he'd look so cute. with his long wavy black hair blowing in the wind and the cap keeping it in place. [x and his little gown. eep. i'm smiling just thinking about it.

^-^

although i like him too.

i'm starting to like him a lot too. but i can't. i can't start to like him.

i'm trying not to. but that never works out for me. and when i fall..i fall hard, and for long periods of time. maybe thats good. i don't know. he's so cute too.

aghh. i wish i could read minds.

i would love that so much.

oh man.

hotel rwanda is deffinatly my new favorite movie.

the ending always gives me goosebumps. who ever hasn't seen it needs to watch it right now !

but don't watch it if your stupid..you won't understand it.

i'm so excited about the summer reading  project for honors english. its so much easier this year. i mean really, just ten journal entries for each book ?! did they forget we're in HONORS english.

aha. oh well. i'm not complaining ^-^

just a few more days of mrs reese.

i think i'll be able to handle it.

if there's no one beside you when your soul embarks then i'll follow you into the dark. <3

basically poems about how i've matured from past relationship problems

and any feelings i still have towards them.

enjoy.

my back feels so bare

i miss the feeling you gave me

it was a sense of security

so relaxing.

but i don't need you anymore

i've found someone better

he's so amazing. and so much better

you'll never get me back

he has my heart

and i know he won't break it

[that one was from quite a while ago]

here's a more recent one. [written a few days ago]

looking back in it..

it makes me smile

but looking at you now just makes me want to gag.

everything happens for a reason

you made me realize that i could find someone who will actually love me

in fact.

i've found someone so much better.

thanks for teaching me what not to look for

and thats pigs like you

much love <3

xD

tell me what you think of them.

be brutally honest

^-^

everyone knows and loves jami [roflcopter] lets list all the reasons why we love him!!

1. he's the only person who can type horribly and i don't get pissed off

2. he has the cutest voice and laugh i've ever heard

3.he takes some of the coolest pictures ever

4. he's got a lot of common sense

5. he honestly don't care what people think about him

6. he's  the only other person i know that is cool and plays tennis

7. he's always got the coolest hair

8. the picture of him in his room says it all

9. he's as obssesed with his cat as i am

10. his witty sense of humor x]

11. he's married to the easter bunny ^-^

12. he's not like anyone else

13. i don't think i'll ever be able to find anyone else like him

14. he can read all my typos

15. he's not afraid to speak his mind

16. he's the cutest computer nerd you'll ever find

17. his favorite video is candy mountain!

18. he understands my  love of old people

19. he's got major pwning powers

20. he's got a cute little baby face x]

21. he posts the most random and meaningless bulletins. yet without them we would find ourselves lost without them ^-^

22. the only way you could hate him is if your a teeny bopper or audrey bitching x]

23. he'll do anything for his friends

24. he's been through the worst shit ever and he's still the happiest person ever.

25. i'd say he's the brightest crayon in the box xD

26. he pwns you with his dance moves

27. when we sue judges [for only 20 dollars] we always win. because jami uses his charm on the judge, and no one can resist

28. he's one of those little kids that hang out with kids in highschool. thats how amazing he is

29. in fact, i'm convinced he's a little kid trapped inside a big boy's body x]

30. THE WORLD WOULD BE NOTHING WITHOUT JAMI !! srsly.

31. he understands how awesome napoleon dynamite it

32. he's always ready for a dance party!

33. he listens to the coolest music

34. he's one of the nicest kids you'll ever wish to meet

35. how could you not love someone as cute as him x]

36. his undying love for brian peppers

37. he cares about how people are in the  inside. because he knows thats what really matters

38. he can use big words correctly

39. he can get rid of any faker before bedtime x]

40. he wins at life !!

41. he's got the cutest little baby face

42. he masters online sarcasm

43. his body is too bootylicious for ya. x]

44. he's not some stupid crazy panic and the disco/brendon urie obsessed fan. he's knows the truth about all of them [and he doesn't need to know them on a personal level to realize it. anyone would know]

45. you can talk to him for hours and neve get bored.

46. his internet hugz are amazing.

47. he gives the best advice ever.

48. he has a big butt that everyone is jealous of

49. he makes annoying little lambs look cool.

50. he can pwn audrey bitching's ass mutiliple times without even breaking a sweat.

51. even when life is being completely shitty he can make me the happiest person ever

52. he's got the best imagination ever !

53. there's no possible way to hate him..unless your stupid [x

54. he makes you happy just talking to him.

55. he's not afraid to be himself. or stand up for what he believes in

56. did i mention that he's super smart ?

i'll be adding more. oh trust me. i'll be adding a lot more.

i'm living life against the clock..

i keep finding myself dreading seeing the time pass.

i don't want night to come
because that means tomorrow is closer.
but i have nothing to dread about tomorrow.
so why don't i want it to come ?

ever since i've been sick i've been so aware of what time it is
and how much time i have left to have fun
and do what i want

in fact
i try not to go on the computer so much
since time seems to jump while i'm on.

maybe i need to be around more people ?

i don't know
i just want to be able to relax
and enjoy my time away from school and everything else that stresses me out.
but i want to have fun and do stuff
i want to go places and hang out with people
but i normally end up giving up doing one thing just to do the other.
resulting in a boring weekend
or a weekend that just didn't seem fufilling

i don't know
i guess i fear the future.

wow.

i'm going to be up late tonight.

sleeping for four hours ?!

geez.

but thats okay

i have to do mrs reese's nasty homework.

and she's probably going give us like three scenes to read over our three day weekend

-_-

i know i should suck it up..but oh well.

now i'm just trying to make it to summer

then i get to do summer reading. and read three or four boring books that i don't like/won't understand whats going on. ugh.

homygawd. boy troubles.

andrew is a nice kid.

he's amazingly fun to hang out with.

do i like him ? of course not. i like zac a whole lot.

but does zac like me ? oh sure most days he's nice and everything and it totally seems like he does. then there's those days where i'm second guessing. maybe he doesn't like me ? maybe he's just trying to be a nice person ? ugh my god.

olivia tried to make me feel better though. i love her for it.

she was saying how she was walking behind him today and that he was talking about a cute girl who just got her hair cut and how he was going to ask her to go to a concert with him.

as much i would absolutly love that. i don't believe her. i mean, he wasn't even in school today.

i need to stop thinking about this.

i've been thinking about buzznet.

and the amount of real friends i have.

sure i've got over 500 friends on my list.

but how many of them do i actually talk to ?

about ten maybe.

and i've only got one true best friend that i could never get tired of.

sure it sounds bad.

but honestly. thats how i like it.

i mainly come on here just to talk to jami. see jeffree star's new videos.

talk to sierra occasionally and thats it.

but i'm perfectly fine with jami being my only best friend.

he's all i could ever need in a friend. so i don't need anymore. i don't think i want anymore either.

i'm just fine.

step inside my mind.

try not to get lost

you may feel confusion.

but thats a normal occurence.