this is the world i created for myself...

you know how they say that you don't feel anything in your dreams ? well i feel all of my senses except for taste. which is insanely weird.

but anyway. lately i've been having my share of really freaky dreams. and not just oh that was a bad dream; turn the pillow over and go back to sleep and have a good dream. they're like, haunting dreams. i've woken up many times being able to feel my heart beating because of how scared i've been. there's times when i've woken up sacred stiff and laying in my bed until the sun comes up because of brutality of my dreams. i recall this one time when i was a kid i woke up having a panic attack from my dream and not being able to see anything except this weird static.

the most recent one was a dream i had last night. and possibly one of the worst since its a huge fear of mine.

i took this from the description i wrote for my friend..

'there was this place with a bunch of rooms
and in every room a girl was tortured
and i was one of them
and i don't know what the guy did to me but i remember seeing a lot of gushy chunky blood and this thing sticking out out my arm.
but i didn't witness it happening. i kept having flashbacks during my dream.
and there was this organization or something that was getting rid of the rooms and the first step was going to each room and saying what happened in each of them. and i remember being deathly afraid to go because i thought the guy would do something again.
then after that they were trying to either renovate the rooms or juts get rid of them and i had to make sure that the guy wouldn't see me or find me or know where i was and that i was still alive.
kind of like what happened in i know who killed me.

but it freaked me out enough that i couldn't concentrate during my midterm. and i went outside then remembered my dream and i got paranoid thinking that the guy would came and kidnap me and do shit to me again. >.<'

one of my biggest fears is waking up and not knowing where i am. being in a room with a man i don't know and him torturing me makes it even worse.

and like what i said. today during my very important math midterm i thought of my dream and i got scared to the point where i just sat there and had to calm myself down for ten minutes. then as i was walking home, almost to my house, i thought of my dream and i started looking around everywhere to make sure no one was coming and there was no one suspicious. i started walking faster just to make sure i'd get home without being kidnapped.

i'm tired of  having dreams that scare the shit out of me. i'm tired of running through my house just to get to my room because of my dream popping into my head and me being scared thinking its going to happen. i guess thats why i have to keep all of the lights on. its hard to creep around in broad daylight, plus nothing bad really happens during the day. but once night falls its like everyone becomes filled with this desire to be extremely cruel and they do shit like that. its horrible that people these days actually do shit like this leaving younger kids to be deathly afraid and dream of it happening to them. how can people live with themselves knowing that they've done something so horrible and so gruesome to another human being that did nothing to deserve what they got.  

i just don't understand it.