this is the world i created for myself...

your body may be under my feet

but your soul is right next to me

and when i cry, your licking the tears off my cheek.

and i won't use past tense

because you'll always be you

and you'll always be the best

and you'll always be the bravest

you'll always be my best friend

 

and the rains gonna fall

and its going to wash away the time

it'll soak my hair, and soak your blanket

but it can't wash away your smile

it can't wash away my memory

and it can never wash away the love that i will forever have for you

 

 

                                      

the insanity

its coming back again

just like summer

after days of no human contact

no sunlight.

just the glare of my electronics

the only light that greets me comes through the pane

oh what a pain !

this insanity is.

but yet i love it.

its like the portal through which my subconscious can finally surface

and i can finally get the gasp of air.

since the ice won't let me breathe.

so i was just straightening my hair and i thought of a cool idea ^-^

a long time ago i posted a journal with hair tips and whatnot, but instead of a journal, how about a video !

i can show you what products i use, how i do my hair, or even how to cut your own hair :D

 

if you want mt to do a video just leave a comment with a question and once i get a good amount of questions i'll make a video for you guys. sound cool ?

 

(:

goody goody two shoes
no one knew she was abused
took a trip to wonderland
now she doesn't wanna come back
straight to the brain
right in the veins
she's almost there
right at the edge
feels like she's falling forever
thats what its been
just falling
until
dead on arrival

 

 

(none of this is from personal experience, i was just inspired by alice in wonderland and factory girl)

 

first poem in a long time.
enjoy



let in the oxygen
let is consume everything i know
'cause i need a fresh start
a brand new life
let it fill my lungs
and singe my skin
i once heard fire in your dreams means the passing of something old and the beginning of something new
please let that be true
because this just isn't working out
and i don't think it can be fixed
a nice clean break
always heals faster
but there will always be a scar

random stuff i think about and question. enjoy.  

-people that say we are the only beings in this universe are pretty selfish. with everything we've yet to discover there has to be some other form of being. some other world where we are, but its the opposite of us, or maybe exactly the same. are objects that we consider inanimate, living in these other worlds ? i bet we could find out.

-if trees can scream, can they smile ? can they laugh ? can we learn to sense these emotions. can we alter their emotions ?

-what if my parents had never gotten divorced. would they be miserable ? would i be miserable ? would we have elliot ? what if i never met morgan ? would i be as happy as i am now ? would i still be quiet and reserved ?

-we can never perceive something the same way another person would. we haven't witnessed their lives. the highs and the lows. we can't taste the same taste as some one, or smells something the same way, certain colors may trigger flashbacks to a traumatic time.

-if something is traumatic enough to cause a biological difference in some one's brain and cause an alter ego, don't you think the situation or whatever it was could have been stopped ? do people realize they're causing certain disorders ? what if some one isn't crazy they're just extremely different. we've been told all our lives that difference is good, and to stand out. what if those people were simply following what they were told ?

-do babies actually think when they're in the womb ? if so it would probably happen during the last month of pregnancy. therefore aborting the baby wouldn't do damage to it. they haven't learn the difference between pleasure and pain. what if during the time you can get an abortion the nerve cells haven't fully developed, or developed at all. then they wouldn't feel anything. and aborting the baby would be ethical. if some one feels so strongly to abort their unborn child then maybe they weren't meant to be in this world. that baby could have killed your child, or some one close to you, and you wanted it to live. all you know is that you've been told its killing, and you associate killing with being bad.

-what if a cure for any disease could have been simple. like diabetes, we can do wonders with cells and genes. why don't you inject cells with dna coding that would make usable insulin, or has a certain chromosome. it would then be able to reproduce and in enough time the person wouldn't be diabetic. but then is that a certain yes to getting cancer ? hmm.

-there's people that react so extremely to death. if reincarnation is true then the soul of that person would go into another living thing. therefore the person you lost is somewhere among you, you just have to find them. is that why certain animals can just understand us so well ? or why some animals are so drawn to certain people ?

-people always say to live every day like its your last. but there's some things you just can't do. like i'd like to fly to saturn. but i can't. what you really should do is embrace everything you sense in a normal day. like when you smell something you love, really embrace it, who knows, you might lose your sense of smell. in which case you'd lose a lot of your sense of taste. see amazing things, because you might be blind the next day.

-no one ever really knows everything about themselves. everyone is in a constant state of progression. your constantly growing and learning more and more about yourself. there's always something to learn. there's things about you in your subconscious that you don't even know. you probably don't even know half of everything about yourself. grow.

-animals weren't put on this earth just to simply eat; especially not by 'god.' if god is our savior and controls everyone and knows they're destiny why is there so much killing and violence ? don't you think some one like that wouldn't put something on the earth just to be violently tortured until death ? is that some one you really want to follow ? you wouldn't worship a serial killer, would you ? whats the difference

-words aren't bad. they're just letters formed to together to make specific sounds. you add the meaning to it. you make them bad.

 

i'll end up adding more. i'll definitely be adding more :D but yeah add your thoughts and whatnot.

its pretty pathetic to hate obama.

he's doing everything he can to make this country better
and to make this country a great place for you to grow up
he's trying to make your college education affordable
and he's trying to make sure middle class people don't see tax raises
he's trying to make sure that everyone has health care

and you hate him because of that ?
i don't understand it.



this man is trying to make a better life for everyone
and you hate him

because either you can't grow up and see past skin
or you've been told lies and you chose to believe them
because your too lazy to find out the truth.

the news has been talking about how obama has inspired young people and whatnot.

so i was thinking and seeing if he inspired me.

 

and i realized that he did. after thinking about his story, and how he barely had enough to live. normally people like that just think that they won't get too far and shouldn't even bother with having dreams, but obama definitely didn't have that state of mind; thank god. obama went from barely being able to live, to being the president of the united states. the next time i hear some one say that dreams dont't come true i'll just make them stop and think and look at obama's life. he really is a huge inspiration to anyone.

my family, we've got money, almost enough. we can get by nicely with some to spend on nice things; my mom is a little bit tighter with money. the way i am, i'll make sure i'm not being a burden with expenses, which causes me to think twice about my future, i'd love to go to john's hopkins and get a ph.d in psychology, but i don't think my family could pay for it. so i'm thinking about going other places, and just settling for what i can get. but if obama can go from what he was at to being the president and not doubting himself, so now i know that i can fufill every aspect of my dreams like he did. whenever i start to doubt myself i think of how barack obama won againts all odds and had millions of people telling him that he couldn't and i feel like i can do anything.

thank you for being born barack obama ! haha

 

this was going to be better but i'm so excited i can't even think straight xD

people assume that i think my hair makes me oh so different and so cool and awesome,and its the only reason why i dye it. well...

one day my friends had blue dye since they were dying parts of their hair blue,so they were like you should dye your little blonde spot blue !
so i tried it out
and then i liked it
and i wanted more blue, so i put it more blue
then, i got purple dye when we went to washington dc
and i thought why not put it in my bangs
and i liked that
and so on and so forth

the main reason why i have so many colors in my hair
and i wear so many colors

is because if something happens to me
and i become blind one day
i want to have been able to know that i took advantage of being able to see
and i saw as many beautiful colors as i could
colors that make me happy.

whats so wrong with that
honestly ?

people have told me before that they were feeling kinda bleh, but they saw me and my hair and it made them happy, people have told my mom that when they look at me they get a good feeling. they like my hair because they see it as a form of artwork and it makes them happy that i'm expressing myself in a creative way

i'm sorry i'd like to express myself in a way that makes me happy !?

 

in fact, if it were up to me, my hair would be long and all brown, because i've wanted to go back to my natural color for about six months now. it would be the reason why i'm growing my hair out. i'd dye it all brown now, except it won't go over the colors very well, it would look bad with the cut of my hair, and of course i'm still emotionally attached to my colors because it makes me happy too

 

i've said this plently of times before, its your fault if you don't believe me.

whether its dying,washing,conditioning,cutting, and what products i think are best :D

 

dying hair- 

i've found that the best hair dye is special effects, its given me the most intense vibrant colors, and trust me i've tried a lot of stuff.

so if your wanting to know what i use for my hair, here you go (:

for the pink in my bangs- special effects virgin rose

the purple in my bangs- special effects pimpin purple

the blue- special effect fishbowl mixed with the color fiend turq tsunami

green- special effects limelight

orange/yellow- mixure of special effects napalm and colorfiend lightening bolt.

 

the best way to get the colors showing up their best is by using a really good bleach. i use the raw white out kit from hot hopic :D it gets my hair really light really fast with almost no damage. its alwas a good idea to deep condition the day after bleaching. i always use the pantene time renewal deep conditioner, it smells good and works really well. and then after normal wasshing i use the herbal essences long term relationship split end treatment. it makes my hair really soft, anyone who touches it can't believe how soft my hair is ^-^

and remember even if a salon says their dye is permanent unatural colors will always fade, so be ready with a bottle of dye for when that day comes.

 

shampoo and conditoner-

i absolutely love herbal essences, its the best shampoo and conditioner that i've used. since i really want my hair to be long i use the long term relationship line, but my hair never likes to straighten when its short, so i use a little bit of the dangerously straight line too (: and the past few times i've used a teeeny bit of the hello hydration and my hair has been a bit healthier :D then put some of the split end treatment i mentioned earlier on after washing when your hair is still wet. the more you use the softer your hair will be, but remember, if you use too much you hair with feel gunky and gross. (i go for about four squirts)

then just let it air dry :D if you can't wait or your in a rush, then just make sure you spray a bit of tresseme heat protector in your hair so you don't damage it with the heat.

 

styling-

once your hair is all nice and dry make sure you spray lots of heat protecor in your hair making sure it gets on all of it, the more protected the better, although make sure not to use too much because it'll become gunky and weigh your hair down.

now since i straighten my hair this is what i do: make sure not to put your straightener on the hottest setting if you don't actually need to, i found out that i don't have to have my straightner as hot as it can get to straighten my hair, so experiment with your hair. i use the tresseme tres two hairspray, it works really well for me. use as much as you need, but not so much your hair is hard. if you accidentally use to much just get a fine toothed comb and comb it out :D make sure you add a bit of extra hairspray to the ends to keep your style throughout the day.

now i'm not going to go into curling your hair since mine never holds a curl and i don't know all about it, but you can ask me something and i'll give you my input. i do know a bit about it, just not everything :p

 

cutting-

being able to cut your own hair is a lifesaver for when your really picky about your hair. its actually pretty simple too, just make sure you have sharp scissors so that your hair will be cut and not torn (:

and you have to do is take a small section of hair in your first two fingers, hold the scissor straight up and down and just snip away, that way you'll have a nice salon look without having to pay ! :D now you might want help from someone you trust to do the back of your hair, and someone that really understands the cut that you want.

and just remember, you might not be too good at first, neither was i, but after practicing a lot you'll be really good ! :D

practice on barbies or something xD thats what i did :p

 

now i think i've said all i've wanted to say, or if there was more i forgot. haha.

but if your still wondering, feel free to ask me anything ! i'll give you an honest aswer and make sure you've got the best information possible ^-^

 

well this one happened months ago, but i'm finally getting around to writing about it. (:

 

so you know the big field to the side of leeds elementary school, right ? well there were a bunch of people (some of them pretty fat) with lawn chairs kind of like on the fourth of july, but its not the fourth of july, keep that in mind. and all of the sudden this huge cherry coke truck shows up and ta da. then all of the sudden i'm in this big building, kind of like that you would see on saw, but not as horrific. and a bunch of cool kids i know where there with me. and some of the faculty from north east high. mainly the blonde women. and then we get news that fireworks in paris went wrong and the city is on fire, which everyone knew it meant that we had a few hours until the fire spread to our country (excuse the lack of logic) so everyone's thinking of what to do and cherishing their last hours. a group of my friends (the only ones i can remember are corey and austin) go into this small room with a carboard table and pillows around the walls, kind of like a cheap oriental restaurant, and we all dicuss what to do to live. the whole time i had the idea of staying near a body of water since water rose to the hallway kind of like the beach. and we all agreed and waited for the fire to spread. then we hear its close so we go out in the hallways to tell everyone what to do. one of the blonde faculty members tells everyone to listen to me (i think it was mrs kist) and everyone's running around not listening so we scream our hearts out and no one listens they all start burning to death. i turn around and see austin wearing a fur coat and on fire, i try reminding him of the plan but he just drops dead as other people i know dye also. then the building start becoming lonely and empty. i look up at the second floor and see stephanie carrying a huge empty fish tank. i yell at her to drop it down and jump down into the water (since there was a huge hole in the ceiling) then i don't see her. everyone else dies then i look up and stephanie had rotted and fallen down into the water. so i stand there wondering whether my family is alive, thinking they weren't, and debating whether to drown myself, let myself burn to death or survive. before i had time to decide i woke up. pretty creepy huh ?

so i guess if a holocaust were to occur in my life thats what it might be ? hah. i suppose so.

You kid around they are going to you not to make
Another grocacom plan
About which plan you talk
You dare, it is you whom begins
I leave
Is really too bloody stupid to you
In big step thing you kid around
You see, it, think I am great good
Because of the boys
They put nylons
They go frizzy the chignon
Because of the boys
And of that as it will be said about it
One flirting on all tones
Because of the boys
They indeed greet
Because of the boys

Rifle it is the word which comes to me
When I think of my companions
And me I have my dose
Without being your doses
Of chimeras
I hallucine
Need that they hose you
All this for a guy of pretence
Having hushed up about depression, I leave it to you
It is your style
Because of the boys
They put nylons
They go frizzy the chignon
Because of the boys
And of that as it will be said about it
One flirting on all tones
Because of the boys
They indeed switch on
Because of the boys

It is error of my
Magazines
The Mary, The Clear
Mary - Clear
Figs, Macdo besides - clear
The today's and yesterday Women
It is error of my
Magazines
The Mary, Frances
Mary-France
The practical women with it not have a great time
Of cosmo sails and all the rest

Because of the boys
They hurry up the lemon
They melt as icicles
Because of the boys
I lie you lie we lie
They slide as soaps

Because of the boys
They indeed move over
Because of the boys

Because of the boys

who ever thought this up is a genius in my eyes :D

"Everyone has things they blog about. Everyone has things they don't blog about. Challenge me out of my comfort zone by telling me something I don't blog about, but you'd like to hear about, and I'll write a post about it. Ask for anything: latest movie watched, last book read, political leanings, thoughts on yaoi, the benefit of revolutions, sex, drugs, rock n' roll, favorite type of underwear, graphic techniques, etc. Repost in your own journal so that we can all learn more about each other."

 

yay questions ! weeeee

so yet again i've managed to have a dream with a plotline. and luckily this time its not depressing at all (:

so lets not stall anymore :D

 

all of the sudden i'm in mrs mc coy's room. but not her room as of right now. it was a more updated room. like if it was a college or something. and i was partnered with stephanie. which was awesome because she tends to be one of the few people compitent enough to do things and have them come out like amazing. and we had to do the person's makeup as if they were going on the runway. and for some reason i decide i'm going to do her makeup like a bird because i had some high pigment eyeliner so it would have looked amazing. and i had only planned on doing the yellow then some how purple got onto it to but it didn't mess it up, it made it look even better then after we were done the makeup we went into some room which was right next to mrs mc coy's but the glass door was fogged so you couldn't see what was going on. and we had some alcoholic drink that looked like sprite. aha.  and we're drinking and whatnot. then we decide to stop and i finish stephanie makeup and she's looking amazing. then ! all of the sudden i'm in some high fashion place. kind of like the high voltage tattoo shop but it was all white. and i had the makeup done and i was going around talking to clients.

and then no more dream. ahaha. how weird yet awesome :P

 

 

and for another fun fact, the whole time i was typing that i was singing phone call by the faint in my head. but for some reason i didn't just play it xD

lately i've been noticing far too many people dwelling on the bad things in life. bad things they don't have to worry about

 

i don't understand how the human body can handle so much stress from focusing on these stupid little things. i know that i'd much rather be happy than worrying about something bad, like what some one said about you, some guy that cut you off when you were driving, what you don't like about myspace, and so on.

and i don't know why anyone would want to be around some one like that. i have some one in my life who's always focusing on the little things and i know that i can't stand being around them when they do that.

another thing i dont' understand is people constantly fighting. i know i tend to fight a lot but a lot of it is standing up for my friends. and when i fight on buzznet i feel bleh, and sometimes i tend to feel a little bad. so i don't know how people do it all the time. or when they do focus so much on it.  whats even worse is when people go out and look for fights. or they post something to start a fight that is in their favor and they look like the better or smarter or whatever person.

 

i just don't understand any of it. its stupid. its giving you more stress than you need. and you can tell yourself it doesn't phase you all day. but your heart will be screaming at you later in life.

 

seriously. being optimistic is so much more amazing than beating some one in an internat brawl. and i can guarantee you this; being able to see the bright side of everything will lead you to have a better quality life and you'll probably be more confident in who you are.

the next nice sunny day you have in your neighborhood, take a walk. in the park, in your backyard, where ever, and just think about everything thats great in life. sit there and listen to the birds chirp. hearing another species being happy should make you happy. being able to feel the sun and sit in its rays should feel amazing; that you've been able to manage another day and see the sun shine.

 

shrug off the bad stuff and BE HAPPY already !  (:

so bascially i decided that since i'm always having weird creepy dreams and whatnot. i'll write a journal of what happened. so here we go (:

 

there were a slect few students from my school going to a field trip at the nearby hospital. the only good part was talking to olivia before about hair and what kind of wavy and curly styles we like. since she wasn't able to completely straighten her hair, so it was wavy. then we were in this room with a few beds in it. and there were a bunch of african kids and we were learning about them and their sicknesses. they were puking and shitting everywhere. ariel got off the bed and managed to get some of the shit on one of my favorite hoodies so that was a hardcore bummer. then i couldn't handle it anymore so i went to this room where your supposed to say what you learned for a grade. and as i was telling the guy i looked around to see a bunch of elderly people sitting in hospital beds. then i saw one and his head went down. i looked away in fear that he might have been dying and i didn't want to see. but i still payed close attention to the sound of the heartbeat counter thingy. his heart was slowly stopping and i could hear every second of it. and as i hear his heartbeat flatline this woman comes in with a newborn baby enjoying the new world and the daylight. then i woke up not knowing what to do with myself and being depressed as hell. and i mean literally depressed. not what the kids that don't know the meaning say.

so i'm not sure what that means; the fact that i witnessed a person dying but shortly after a new baby coming into the world with every possibility to make this world a better place. but i have a feeling it might be good. kind of like a rebirth. which is scary and so exciting at the same time (:

 

 

and to not leave you with such a heavy sad feeling. here's a little fun fact; i've been wearing knee-high socks all day and since i haven't shaved my legs in a few days my leg hairs are hurting xD

i'm really hoping that barack obama wins the election. hilary clinton strikes me as being a power hungry woman thats one of those mean catty secretary kinda ladies.

obama takes all attacks on him as maturely as possible which i admire quite a bit. and ! he doesn't force his religion on everyone. he accepts everyone for their opinions and choices and doesn't tell them they're wrong. which makes me verrrryyy happy.

the only reason i would be reluctant to see him on office is because people are so stupid and immature that i'm sure some one would try to kill him just because he's a black man. or his name sounds like an indian's. my friend was going on and on about how his mom or grandmother or something lives in some shitty house or some hut, and thats why he doesn't want people voting for barack. because he doesn't wanna say that our president's mother lives in a hut. its annoying how narrow-minded people are.

 

i could go on but i'm in desperate need to blow my nose. sinus infections aren't fun. >.-

 

BARACK THE VOTE !!

DrewDINO: i was doing a myspace survey
Veektur: how're u
Veektur: whats up people?
DrewDINO: im good. you?
Veektur: spiffy
Veektur: sleepy
chemmy !: silly drew :P
Veektur: bored
DrewDINO: haha.  drews fucking wide awake.
chemmy !: so is chemmy !
Veektur: lol
Veektur: i have school tommrow
DrewDINO: i dont!
DrewDINO: w00t!
Veektur: why
DrewDINO: because im hardxcore
Veektur: ok?
DrewDINO: yeah.  i dont do school.
chemmy !: same hurr
DrewDINO: i sit at home.  and stick needles in my arm.
chemmy !: hahaa
DrewDINO: and pop pills.
Veektur: yall are straight hood
DrewDINO: and smoke teh dope.
Veektur: lol jp
chemmy !: i breath in powder
DrewDINO: and shoot up stores for there money
chemmy !: and booze
Veektur: and do coke
chemmy !: and acidddd
DrewDINO: tru dat yo
Veektur: so whats really up
DrewDINO: nothing.
DrewDINO: im sitting in a chair
chemmy !: i'm eating hearts
Veektur: im sitting on my bed
chemmy !: i'm sitting in a pile of shit (:
DrewDINO: thats like you chels.
* Havoc_On_Pope joined the room.
chemmy !: ^-^
DrewDINO: heyyy
Veektur: alrighty im gonna go to bed
DrewDINO: u do that.
DrewDINO: ill be on if u come back.
chemmy !: sleep tight lil kid !
Veektur: psht
Veektur: im 14
DrewDINO: im 16
Veektur: almost 15 in 2 months
DrewDINO: shes 17.
Veektur: spiffy
chemmy !: very
DrewDINO: were rockstars too.
Veektur: well this is all very well but i have school to go to tommrow
chemmy !: international rockstars
Veektur: lol
DrewDINO: w00t!
Veektur: u guys need to stop popin those pill
DrewDINO: u need to.
chemmy !: but they so damn good !
DrewDINO: lmao.
Veektur: my dog almost died today
* Havoc_On_Pope left the room.
Veektur: well not almost
DrewDINO: that sucks.
chemmy !: my grandma almost died today
Veektur: but he almost ate one of my moms pains killers
DrewDINO: i hit your dog.
DrewDINO: wiuth my truck.
DrewDINO: wait.
Veektur: liar
DrewDINO: no
chemmy !: fuck that. you hit my grandma
DrewDINO: chelseas grandma almost died in a car accident cuz she hit ur dog.
Veektur: my grandmas are lesbians
DrewDINO: lmao.
chemmy !: my grandma has a great ass
DrewDINO: my grand ma is psycho.
chemmy !: yummm
DrewDINO: shes so funny though
chemmy !: i hear psycho grannies are freaks in tha bedddd
DrewDINO: lmfao.
DrewDINO: her husbands dead
* Veektur left the room.
chemmy !: even better !
DrewDINO: lmfao he was fucking weird!
chemmy !: zomg. i wanted to him him for being so ugly
chemmy !: xD
DrewDINO: huh?
chemmy !: lmao. i mean slap him
DrewDINO: haahah i bet.
chemmy !: ahaha and watch out ! he's 14
chemmy !: xD lmao
DrewDINO: lmao.  i know right.
chemmy !: hahaha
chemmy !: and almost 15 !
DrewDINO: hahah were druggies
* gregorys92 joined the room.
chemmy !: hardcorrrreee druggies [x
DrewDINO: heyyy

you know how they say that you don't feel anything in your dreams ? well i feel all of my senses except for taste. which is insanely weird.

but anyway. lately i've been having my share of really freaky dreams. and not just oh that was a bad dream; turn the pillow over and go back to sleep and have a good dream. they're like, haunting dreams. i've woken up many times being able to feel my heart beating because of how scared i've been. there's times when i've woken up sacred stiff and laying in my bed until the sun comes up because of brutality of my dreams. i recall this one time when i was a kid i woke up having a panic attack from my dream and not being able to see anything except this weird static.

 

the most recent one was a dream i had last night. and possibly one of the worst since its a huge fear of mine.

i took this from the description i wrote for my friend..

 

'there was this place with a bunch of rooms
and in every room a girl was tortured
and i was one of them
and i don't know what the guy did to me but i remember seeing a lot of gushy chunky blood and this thing sticking out out my arm.
but i didn't witness it happening. i kept having flashbacks during my dream.
and there was this organization or something that was getting rid of the rooms and the first step was going to each room and saying what happened in each of them. and i remember being deathly afraid to go because i thought the guy would do something again.
then after that they were trying to either renovate the rooms or juts get rid of them and i had to make sure that the guy wouldn't see me or find me or know where i was and that i was still alive.
kind of like what happened in i know who killed me.

but it freaked me out enough that i couldn't concentrate during my midterm. and i went outside then remembered my dream and i got paranoid thinking that the guy would came and kidnap me and do shit to me again. >.<'

 

one of my biggest fears is waking up and not knowing where i am. being in a room with a man i don't know and him torturing me makes it even worse.

and like what i said. today during my very important math midterm i thought of my dream and i got scared to the point where i just sat there and had to calm myself down for ten minutes. then as i was walking home, almost to my house, i thought of my dream and i started looking around everywhere to make sure no one was coming and there was no one suspicious. i started walking faster just to make sure i'd get home without being kidnapped.

 

i'm tired of  having dreams that scare the shit out of me. i'm tired of running through my house just to get to my room because of my dream popping into my head and me being scared thinking its going to happen. i guess thats why i have to keep all of the lights on. its hard to creep around in broad daylight, plus nothing bad really happens during the day. but once night falls its like everyone becomes filled with this desire to be extremely cruel and they do shit like that. its horrible that people these days actually do shit like this leaving younger kids to be deathly afraid and dream of it happening to them. how can people live with themselves knowing that they've done something so horrible and so gruesome to another human being that did nothing to deserve what they got.  

i just don't understand it.

 

my daddy told me that i was really brave tonight.

but the whole time i just wanted to break down and lay on the floor crying.

i wanted to run and find the alarm clock to wake me from this horrible nightmare.

i couldn't even watch it happen.

and i still can't look.

i can see it in her eyes.

everythings still not over.

and it kills me inside.

i don't know how those people do it.

i don't know how i did it, or how i'll be able to do it as time comes and goes.

but i do know, i will do whatever i have to do to make sure she's fine.

i'll be whatever this 'bravery' is just to see her smile.

<3

 

 

 

 

i'm not explaining this one.

you get to connect this with your own life.

and i hope it helps you in whatever way possible.